Do you have any Idea?
Saturday, May 25th, 2009


my heart is saying..

when you came outa the whom did you know you were to feel pain?
to breath pollution?
to deal with violence?
to be caught up in a world of lies?

when you became old enough to remember your past did you look back and see this mistakes?
did you regret your life changing?
do you still live for the end?
breath in that poison,
see that torture..

now your alive and you are still broken without realization.


do you know what it means to feel?
can you speak loud enough to make a sound?
can you see past the lies the air holds?
do you think about the hearts you've held,
the ones you've touched,
the ones you've killed?

do you have any idea..

do you see the beauty in pain through the knife in your hand?
can you watch the stress leak to the floor?
do you look away in shame...?
has the life of lies chocked the pleasure of love from you?
has it finally occurred to you that nothing is real?
can you hold this moment..

can you live for the second or die for the hour?

now your laying there without a choice.
you can now breath in pure air.
feel no pain.
see only love
hear the sound of happiness.

do you still wish you were here..
feeling death
feeling pain
feeling regret..
well why would you..

because you have no idea..
and you never will.

that pain is beauty.
love is death.
trust is lying.
regret is yearning.
hate is lust.
tomorrow is today.
madness is release.

every feeling is due to its opposite.
you cant hate someone with remebering the love you miss.
or trust someone when you can lie through our face.

this eath is dead within its shell.
we are all just numbers,
getting pasted by to the next without a dear thought of change.










we are already dead.



She is Beauty
Saturday, April 25, 2009


"what is with the world? All of the kind, beautiful people hate themselfs, but all the nasty, dishonest people are so full of themselfs."

She smiles but doesn’t keep it long enough to be recognized.

She laughs, but the noise fades with the tease rolling down her cheeks.

She cares… but nothing could show her that she is cared about.

All her life has been painful.
But she stayed strong long enough to see herself become the problem. Her reflection smiles back but her soul won’t. She sees beauty. She IS beauty. But nothing can make her believe that. She was brought to this life for a reason.
A propose.
To leave a mark... To show people she isn’t weak... to be able to look in the mirror and tell herself its ok. To tell herself that she is beautiful. To look into the eyes staring back at her and not cry. But one tear is all it takes. Because the acid in her tears shred through her cheeks leaving unwanted scars of pain hidden behind her glow.
She sees all the things she’s done, good or bad, as a failure.
She looks at now, and she smiles at her mistakes. And tears up at what her heart holds...

Knowing one day things will change. She can feel that power taking her over and it kills her to think she won’t have that one boy to just make everything that much better. “Nothing lasts forever.” But her heart is screaming. Beating in rhythm with every movement of the blade to skin. The blood drips onto her fingers. It’s just that much more of her beauty, wasted. But she isn’t depressed. She isn’t mad. She’s sick…of herself. Under the impression that NO ONE CARES.

She can’t feel her skin anymore.

Her soul has left her to this empty shell that walks her though all the pain. Stumbling but still moving forward. Her eyes...oh her eyes... those unhumanly beautiful eyes of hers just glance down.
Darkened lines circle her eyes showing her struggle. They match so elegantly with her soft pink lips.. She sits there. In the park.
Alone.
And sees all the scene kids, and emo’s, and preps, and jocks, nerds, bro and bro hoes, religious freaks, amine fanatics, naturalists, fags…. And unlabels them. To humans. She can see their soul under all that eye liner and hair spray. All the positional under that shinny hair sandals v-neck shirts and peace signs. She looks Inside. But to herself, she sees no inside. Only pain.

This story is true. And that girl is me.

all these feelings of love and pain intertwine in my soul. binding my hidden darkness with the glow of my smile. now, all there is to do is laugh. and know that everything will be ok. im still putting the puzzel pices back together. i know im not alone. and i know people care. Ashurina, Kim, Jaron, Stacia, Rae, Vin, Hannah, Breck, Krystalyn, Matt, Kenzie.

So, haters, leave. Don’t waste your time trashing me or fucking with me, because that just shows me how weak you are.
Nothing will tear me apart.
Not ever.





I'm loved
^
fucked.

suicide is my passing time
Saturday, April 25, 2009


i wanna die..

but i wanna live for you..
i wanna give up
but i wanna hold on for you..
i wanna close my eyes
but your keeping me awake..
i wanna run away
but your my ball and chain..
i need to bleed it all out
but you took my hands..
i wanna fall down
but ill stand up for you..
i wanna stop
but i know youll keep me going..
i dont wanna miss you
but theres nothing i can do..
because every time i feel the cold metal on my skin
..i see your smile
but i dont stop.
i keep going
deeper.
your eyes melt over and the smile isnt there anymore..
so i keep it for you.
its in my heart.
waiting there.
to shine for you when yours inst.
but its hard huh?
smiling when there really isnt a reason to.
laughing when there isnt a sound.
breathing when you take all my breath away..
i wanna love you.
but i know i dont.
not as much as i should, at least,
because i dont want anyone to care.
i dont want your simpathy.
i dont want advice.
i dont want fake smiles.
i dont want fake complements.
i dont wanna be called beautiful.
i dont want to be knowtest.
i wanna be alone.
thats where i belong.
love, isnt so great.
its not a word it a comitment.
its a promise.
its not a sentence. its a feeling.
stay with me
leave me alone
talk to me till day break
shut your mouth
think about me every day
forget about me
tell me you missed me
say goodbye
love me forever....
dont.
dont make me your everything because i cant be anything.
im nothing.
your bright
and im dull.
your in love..
and im in pain.
shine.
love.
smile.
ill sit here and watch you grow into a flower while im hiding behind these weeds; lies; death.
your not just beautiful
your alive.
your a shooting star.
im the comit
we can colide..
but thats not what happends
mentally physicaly impossible
so love my memory
not my soul.

life changing
Monday, February 23, 2009

have you..

... felt so..strange? the weridness of feeling the grownd beneith you moving, while u stand still hand in hand with fate staring you in the eyes.

the unnatural feeling of the begining of a life changing experience.

the feeling.​.​.​.​.​.​.​of change.

its not enough satisfaction for our prolonged feelings to be releiced through love or hate,

so we pry, and hope you'll find the missing peice...

the feeling of feeling something.​.​BIG.​.​about to happen.

LIFE CHANGING.

my art
Tuesday, December 30, 2008

my art, the truth..
its all smiles,
its all love,
its all rainbows and happiness .....to you.


but they have such a deeper meaning..

hate.


hate in the hightest form.

not even the depts of hell could understand how hatefull every singel mark on my paper is.

is twisted into thick lines of reasurment and love..
threaded by the sweet tones you left in my ears, so badly longing for home. wishing for the forfilment of peace and bliss....but under it all...lies a dark black sheet of hate, revenge, pain, torture, and the deepest form of regret.


that inner place inside my heart that burns intensly, beating thru the veins as the hate grows and thrives swiftly.. is tuning into me..binding my soul to the blackness. and with every glimps of heaven that shines radiantly through the thick cloud of sin bursts into flames and is swalowed by the streangth of wrath never to shine again.


my art is a world in itself. a trap. a blinding reveil of hell.


all, because of my crushed heart,


never to be fixed by the unsure smile of any angel..

missing puzzel peices
that will never be found.

lost.

alone.











.LOVE.
Sunday, December 14, 2008

love thru the eyes of an artist ♥
Current mood:love?
L= LIKE. the first feeling you get, that tingle down your spine, the shimmering glitter in their eyes that stops your heart, you giggle when they say something sweet, the rush of adrenalin you get down your spine. The feeling that their the only one for you

O= OBSESS. the thought of him/her runs through your mind every second. the vision of them through your eyes so clear, the constant urge to hold them in your arms, wanting to hear him/her say your same with sensitivity so badly, calling them every day to ask how they are, the tasteful feeling of WANT

V= VALUE. they mean everything to you, you think that if they were gone you would slowly die off withering away into the dark..alone. they feeling that you have to do everything in your power to make them happy, they are everything, you would stop breathing if it saved him/her, they mean more to you then life.

E= EMBRACE . you want their taste to cradle your mouth, their touch to leave you speechless, their love to hold you forever, their smile to warm your heart, their sweet velvet voice to linger the words that slur out so slowly, so carefully, their eyes to look deep into your soul, for them to be yours, and only yours forever



that's what it means to me,

♥ charlotte